August 4th, 2008 §
Life can be hard when you’re invisible. Attractive, remarkable, or rich people tend to get things their way a lot easier. Perhaps it’s not big competition, since we’re still able to get jobs and live lives. But standing out in a crowd makes it a lot easier to get things done. Here are some tips.
Produce results and stay sharp
I once contended for a promotion with a colleague, and didn’t get the job. It was quite clear – I wasn’t the one people were rooting for. I could’ve spent a hundred years speculating why I lost out, and how I should do better, but I figured that this that was totally uneconomical and prone to failure. It’s one thing to be as great as someone, but it’s another thing to be someone you’re not.
I decided to focus on what I do best at work. I got all the credit for that effort because it was obvious to everyone. I didn’t do it with the expectation of gaining another promotion, although I almost got one… but that it just made sense.
Now, I get to choose what story to tell about my successes. It stays on my resume, and the lessons I’ve learnt from it are mine. I stick with those stories, and I handle all the objections from people who give me crap about otherwise.
Sticking with what you believe and the results from your work gives people less reasons not to believe you. If there’s one thing that’s scarce in the world, it’s trust. Build on it, and you’ll get far.
Be remarkable
Being remarkable is an art. Youtube is proof of that. If you haven’t discovered what makes you remarkable, maybe you need to ask your most honest friends.
A few months ago, I decided a push for a new way of implementing projects, and came under heavy fire for that. By some measure of fortune, I was allowed to do it, and I thank God the project actually went somewhere. It was a big gamble, but I’ve always taken gambles like that in life.
When I announced my departure, a few of my colleagues thanked me for being a “stubborn donkey” and praised me for actually doing more than mere talk. They encouraged me to stick to my ways. I know it’s not the best way to get things done, but it’s a way I’ve learnt by myself. I’m not quite sure how to explain it.
If you ask some of your closest friends about what makes you remarkable, you may be surprised. Sometimes, being remarkable isn’t about doing crazy things, but becoming more of the person you really are.
Give
Giving breaks a lot of social norms, and cuts to the chase. It instantly makes you vulnerable to the things you really care about, and people take notice. Even better when you don’t expect anything in return.
In a way, giving is a way to shut the voices in your head. A lot of people think they’re good people, but they also want to be successful. When is the right time and wrong time to give and get? Logic can be deconstructive as our minds play tricks on us. Giving helps you break that cycle, and keeps things in perspective.
In the past, I’ve given regularly to charities, tithes, personal gifts to specific people, the needy, children… I’ve done this because I needed to understand I could do this on my own, without anyone’s help. I needed to remind myself that climbing to the top of the food chain isn’t worth it without the essential things in life.
Giving helps me understand what’s important to other people, and not just myself. If they have different labels for what’s important in life, then there’s no real “top”. It’s just a personal description.
June 2nd, 2008 §
This isn’t a unhappy husband post. Far from it. It’s honest advice about marriage, and an indifferent response I got from a friend of mine suggested that most people think counseling are for screw-ups and losers (and Christians – I know this is a derogatory term to some).
They’re not.
Marriage counseling is like psychographic and psychometric tests that everyone seems to get so addicted about. It can be really fun and really serious at the same time. It can be really sexy because it allows the couple to have an honest look at each other and be open about themselves for once.
There are many types of pre-marital counseling, and I have no idea what they’re all like. In my session, we both went through the Taylor Johnson psychometric tests. I was already familiar with my Myers-Briggs type, and I was keen on understanding my wife’s profile. Understanding my partner is really sexy and it’s great to talk about our differences and similarities over and over again. It’s one of those things my wife and I talk about a lot.
Of course, if one or both parties had lots of things to hide, that might be the end of the relationship altogether – but better earlier than never. That doesn’t mean you have to reveal everything to each other, but sometimes sneaky things happen – like learning she never really wanted to have children in the first place… stuff like that.
We did discuss 5-year and 10-year plans about our potential marriage. We even discussed careers, family, finances, friends, and the lot. Having a 3rd party there (our cell pastor) really helped. It doesn’t always have to be someone elder/wiser who knows you. It could be a certified counselor, and I know folks who make a living doing that and they’re really good at it.
We talked about how I wanted a fulfilling career, and that we both sort of wanted children in 5 years, and that I might want to further my education. We also discussed my propensity to be glued to the computer, and her inability to determine a goal in life. We discussed our parents, and how both families might get along. We discussed money. We discussed having a place of our own.
It’s funny, but these are issues we’re still discussing today, so I’m glad we started then!
This is our 3rd year of marriage, and we’ve been through good and bad times – but I think having the sessions really helped a bunch. It helped cement our ideals in one place, and everything else has been about going back to that and being honest with ourselves.
Those few short sessions helped shape everything – careers, relationships, aspirations, health. You’ll need it when you get there.
Resources:
April 22nd, 2008 §
I currently work in South East Asia, where the people around me are predominantly Asian. There’s a cultural stigma that seems to glorify traditional roles as they go – technicians, engineers, people managers, salespeople, big bosses. It helps to keep things simple and straightforward, but can get in the way of improvements, sometimes.
There aren’t many “custom” job roles, here. If any, they’re not the norm, and it would be difficult to find people with specialized skills – particularly because people don’t want to specialize.
Usability engineering is one such role. The demand for usability engineers in the country where I work is close to none. This is a stark comparison to the West. But my point isn’t about usability. It’s about its departure from “traditional” jobs such as software development or technical support, and that some jobs (and increasingly more jobs) are better suited for some people than others.
Being an INTP, my role as an engineer seems to fit like a glove. I’ve managed to bring benefit to the company by leveraging on my strengths. But I wonder how many people find themselves doing something that doesn’t quite match up.
Penelope Trunk thinks that it’s not about doing what you love, but doing what you are, that’s important. And she’s right – love can be temporary. It’s much better to do things that are a natural fit for you.
It doesn’t help that some jobs pay much more than others, either. Just because CEOs have high salaries doesn’t mean that I should strive to be one. There’s much more to a job than the salary, and I’m a firm believer that it would be increasingly difficult to advance if choices were made based on what jobs we wanted to climb up to, for money’s sake.
I do observe, however, that companies are more willing to explore new job roles these days, and are willing to allow employees to introduce improvements and ease into specializations that will benefit the company in the long run. This means that it’s possible for someone to carve out a niche role – and be rewarded for it.
This can especially happen to people who do a lot of pioneering work. I wouldn’t discourage anyone from taking the initiative to do something different and beneficial for the company – even if it’s potentially out of the job scope.
Specialization is a good thing to have these days.
