I will be moving to London with my wife next month. I have decided to go back to school and pursue a Masters in Human-Computer Interaction at UCL, as I’m interested in making web applications and other computery things more usable. But this is about more than just that.
This is about me trying to find a place where I’m really satisfied. Satisfied about my life, about my work, about where I am, about my responsibilities, about the future, and about the things I do.
I’m not happy where I am right now. And I’m not quite sure how to solve my problem. The worst part is, nobody else can. All I knew was that I had to do something about it, and so I made a decision, back in March.
I suppose this feeling of loss is normal, otherwise there wouldn’t be a need for career counseling. But I also think career counseling is 90% motivation. So what I’ve really been struggling with isn’t about careers, but believing hard about what I want in life.
The first thing I told myself was that people are wrong. They’re wrong about career choices. They’re wrong about how to make money. They’re wrong about how to stay happy. They’re wrong about everything.
I did that just to prove to myself that nobody could give me advice worth acting upon. I heard things like, “anywhere is better than here”, “I’m sure you’ll get it”, “I’m sure you’ll make it”, “make sure you consider everything”.
Those things I felt was good advice, I put into practice. The rest, I threw away.
I couldn’t deal with all the details at once. Some people make the transition so complex that most don’t dare to try. So I threw it all out of the window.
Have I started packing? No.
Have I submitted all my visa forms? No.
Have I got accomodation all prepared? Only for the initial months.
Has my wife got a job yet? No.
When are you flying off? In about a month.
Sounds crazy? Maybe it is.
If you’re faced with a similar situation, it would likely look a lot different. And that’s the point – everyone has their own way of doing things. There are limitations, processes, rules that apply, but by-and-large some people get around it, find their own ways, or do what they need to do to get the job done.
I don’t have guarantees. But nobody else does either. I just take take a deep breath and choose my battles wisely.
A month ago, I had mood swings and bouts of depression. I felt I was a walking contradiction.
I worried that applying to a top 10 school in the UK would be almost impossible, and my CGPA didn’t meet their requirements. That led to some delays, a phone interview, and my undergrad professor having to write a comprehensive report on me.
Still, I didn’t want to apply to other universities that were less stringent. I really wanted to get into UCL. When I finally got accepted, I was thankful, but not ecstatic. There’s more to come, I thought to myself.
I feel that I’m betting my whole life to do this. And in a way, I feel this is only way it can be done. I don’t know if I’ll end up completely burned out with nothing left but the resignation that dreams only exist in books.
But that’s what people fear. And people are wrong.
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