July 27th, 2008 §
I will be moving to London with my wife next month. I have decided to go back to school and pursue a Masters in Human-Computer Interaction at UCL, as I’m interested in making web applications and other computery things more usable. But this is about more than just that.
This is about me trying to find a place where I’m really satisfied. Satisfied about my life, about my work, about where I am, about my responsibilities, about the future, and about the things I do.
I’m not happy where I am right now. And I’m not quite sure how to solve my problem. The worst part is, nobody else can. All I knew was that I had to do something about it, and so I made a decision, back in March.
I suppose this feeling of loss is normal, otherwise there wouldn’t be a need for career counseling. But I also think career counseling is 90% motivation. So what I’ve really been struggling with isn’t about careers, but believing hard about what I want in life.
The first thing I told myself was that people are wrong. They’re wrong about career choices. They’re wrong about how to make money. They’re wrong about how to stay happy. They’re wrong about everything.
I did that just to prove to myself that nobody could give me advice worth acting upon. I heard things like, “anywhere is better than here”, “I’m sure you’ll get it”, “I’m sure you’ll make it”, “make sure you consider everything”.
Those things I felt was good advice, I put into practice. The rest, I threw away.
I couldn’t deal with all the details at once. Some people make the transition so complex that most don’t dare to try. So I threw it all out of the window.
Have I started packing? No.
Have I submitted all my visa forms? No.
Have I got accomodation all prepared? Only for the initial months.
Has my wife got a job yet? No.
When are you flying off? In about a month.
Sounds crazy? Maybe it is.
If you’re faced with a similar situation, it would likely look a lot different. And that’s the point – everyone has their own way of doing things. There are limitations, processes, rules that apply, but by-and-large some people get around it, find their own ways, or do what they need to do to get the job done.
I don’t have guarantees. But nobody else does either. I just take take a deep breath and choose my battles wisely.
A month ago, I had mood swings and bouts of depression. I felt I was a walking contradiction.
I worried that applying to a top 10 school in the UK would be almost impossible, and my CGPA didn’t meet their requirements. That led to some delays, a phone interview, and my undergrad professor having to write a comprehensive report on me.
Still, I didn’t want to apply to other universities that were less stringent. I really wanted to get into UCL. When I finally got accepted, I was thankful, but not ecstatic. There’s more to come, I thought to myself.
I feel that I’m betting my whole life to do this. And in a way, I feel this is only way it can be done. I don’t know if I’ll end up completely burned out with nothing left but the resignation that dreams only exist in books.
But that’s what people fear. And people are wrong.
Resources:
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July 22nd, 2008 §
The world is full of people who are out to make an easy living.
This includes people climbing up the corporate ladder, insurance salesmen, retail outlets, websites… the lot. People do it because it’s simple – maximize earnings, minimize work. The rest are just details.
Then, there are people who maximize pleasure and minimize work. Facebook in the office. Eating while driving. Procrastination.
What people really want is not to minimize work, but to maximize value in place of work. Nobody wants to work to death, but they don’t want meaningless work.
The problem is – maximizing value isn’t easy, so we tend to focus on minimizing work.
Minimizing work is easy – just do less. Maximizing value requires more effort.
Maximizing value answers questions like:
- What do I really want in life?
- How can people really get along?
- Why did I just do that?
- What really makes me satisfied?
- What’s the meaning of life?
- How can leave the world a better place?
- Why are there so many history books?
- Why do I have to go to school?
- Why am I really spending money on this?
- Can I really can make a difference?
Minimizing work is just – doing less.
Are you maximizing value or just minimizing work?
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July 15th, 2008 §
Do you live for a paycheck? Are you stuck wondering what you ought to be doing in life? If so, why do you do it? You have every minute of every hour of every day to decide – why do you decide to live your life like that? Are you following a pattern of life that everyone else seems to be using?
If you had 1 year left to live, how would you live it? If you had 6 months left, how would you live? How about 6 days?
It’s hard to imagine, because it forces us to stop focusing on the little things in life that keep us going. Things like waking up, taking a shower, going to work, having lunch, going home, watching TV, and then going to bed.
It forces us to stop thinking about getting that house, or that new car, or getting married, or getting a new job.
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. – Henry David Thoreau
Maybe part of you longs for something else. Maybe you want to write that book, or sail the seven seas, or speak every language spoken by man. Maybe you want more control over your life. Maybe you want to give back to the world.
Let me offer you an alternative. There’s no cost involved, and can choose at anytime when to start and when to quit. Here’s what you need to do… ready?
Measure your success by how much value you create into the world
There’s no doubt that everyone creates value. But the value I’m talking about is value to the world – in the way the world perceives value (and often spends time, effort and money based on).
For example, people want world peace. They want to get rid of AIDS. They want free beer. And so on.
What are you doing to make these people happy?
If the answer is nothing, you have not created any value. You are part of the system that does not create any new value, but seeks to maintain itself so that the wheel of life can continue turning.
If you want to get off the wheel of life, you have to create real value. More than what you think you’re doing now. Only by creating real value does it break the vicious cycle of mediocrity and self-promotion with little results. This is because every bit of good you add to this world makes it better anywhere, for everyone.
If it sounds so good, why doesn’t everyone do it? What’s the catch? I’ll make it easy – here it is:
Don’t expect anything specific in return for creating more value
This is not to say that you will never taste the reward of your hard work. No, this is quite different. Let me explain.
95% of the world is caught up in a never-ending cycle of chasing life, otherwise known as the system. These people, as hard working as they are, do not have time to stop and smell the roses, look at the big picture, or even thank you for the value that you have created for them. So, it is OK to assume that most people are “selfish, lazy, uninformed, and impatient” (with credits to Seth Godin for the statement).
There is no way to guarantee whether or not people will give you anything in return for the value you have created. Even if they do, there’s no guarantee how much they will offer, or when. Business people will have market reports, SWOT analysis charts, and purchasing trends, but you won’t. This is a different kind of game.
The only thing that should motivate you is what you already have inside. In other words, you should create value in ways where you can keep going on without expecting anything in return.
Ask yourself what is that ONE thing in the world which you can do over and over again and not get tired of? Then ask yourself how you can generate value out of that. You’ll save a lot more time doing this than trying to figure out how to get to the top of the corporate ladder in order to achieve your goals.
We put conditions to our attempts so easily:
- I want to get a promotion, but I don’t want to look like I’m sucking up to the boss.
- I want a lot of money, but I don’t want to work like a dog.
- I want peace in the world, but I’m not willing to give too much to charity.
Forget about those things!
Focus on what you’re good at, what drives you. Find ways to create real value from your strengths and passions. Don’t try to be the best employee just because everyone’s doing it. Do it because you want to and you love to do it. Or quit and do what you should be doing.
Find people who understand the value you are creating, and work with them
It is almost impossible to keep going without some kind of authentic feedback. This is why you need to find people who can rate your work, cheer you on, and be a friend.
Not many undertake the task to create real value, and by deciding to embark on this path, you will no doubt face long streaks of loneliness, doubt, frustration, and an sense of incapacity.
At this bottoming point, you should do everything you can to stay on track and not quit. And this is where genuine relationships can help a lot.
These are not the people you see at the office, who smile at you after grabbing their hot cup of coffee… or your mother who tells you that only professionals like lawyers or doctors can ever earn a decent living… or your friends who keep asking you when you’re going to get married or have children.
No, the people you need to connect to are people like yourself – who have also decided on a unique journey to create real value that has long lasting effects for the good of mankind. Speak to anyone else, and you’re in for a beating. Why? Because people in the system don’t want people to stop the wheel of life, going round and round, after spending years trying to navigate it.
And don’t try to please everyone either. Make a stand. Choose sides. But don’t stay in the middle. Stay on the wheel, or get off completely.
What you get from creating real value
By creating real value, you break the self-perpetuating cycle of assumptions, rules, and habits that are designed to do nothing but perpetuate itself. By creating real value, you offer hope to those who seek to find answers not found within the system. By creating real value, you learn new and better ways of doing things, and become a sole recipient of bearing that wisdom – giving you a unique right to provide others the ability to do the same.
Try it, and life will never be the same again.
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July 11th, 2008 §
I just got back from another family trip, and this time it was Aceh, Indonesia.
About 4 years ago, a tsunami struck the area of Aceh, killing over 100,000 people. Development is still going on today but many people have returned to their lives by now. Aceh has received some international attention due to the tsunami, and that’s a good thing when a lot of people get by with measly salaries and are always in position for a healthy economy spurned by tourism, trade and other external factors.
Land is expensive, and the government gives little for the local industries to thrive. But still, even those who have made their fortunes do return home for the simple life – living by the seaside, serving simple meals to locals and occasional tourists, planting crops, selling snacks on motorcycles. Others will immigrate to Malaysia or move to cities like Jakarta.
It’s strange to me at first to observe some poverty level, but these people are living out their lives quite meaningfully within their own means. Some are quite happy to stay where they are, and have no intention to do anything else or be anywhere else.
It seems obvious to ask about my own condition – should I aim for the simple life and make do with less and be happy with it?
With my experiences and expectations, I do not think I could live on a beach forever. But it does mean a lot to know what I want in life. A lot of people I met in Aceh seemed to know what they wanted in life – even though it was a simple life.
Without all the social baggage of going through a big education, making a lot of money, or becoming successful and popular, the Acehnese make choices about their lives very openly and just need to make ends meet and enjoy the rest. And their friends and neighbors think and act the same way. There’s no pressure whatsoever.
This would be ideal for them if the government actually provides better infrastructure to protect the small investments the Acehnese have made into the land. I don’t think they need a lot. Good roads. Clean water. Protection from wild animals so that their crops can grow. Trade groups.
Not everyone wants to live the ‘perfect’ lives we see on television. I like this article by Penelope Trunk about her farmer friend who’s happy with life the way it is, even though it doesn’t pay very much. The important part is that he wants it that way.
Other similar posts I’ve found:
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June 2nd, 2008 §
This isn’t a unhappy husband post. Far from it. It’s honest advice about marriage, and an indifferent response I got from a friend of mine suggested that most people think counseling are for screw-ups and losers (and Christians – I know this is a derogatory term to some).
They’re not.
Marriage counseling is like psychographic and psychometric tests that everyone seems to get so addicted about. It can be really fun and really serious at the same time. It can be really sexy because it allows the couple to have an honest look at each other and be open about themselves for once.
There are many types of pre-marital counseling, and I have no idea what they’re all like. In my session, we both went through the Taylor Johnson psychometric tests. I was already familiar with my Myers-Briggs type, and I was keen on understanding my wife’s profile. Understanding my partner is really sexy and it’s great to talk about our differences and similarities over and over again. It’s one of those things my wife and I talk about a lot.
Of course, if one or both parties had lots of things to hide, that might be the end of the relationship altogether – but better earlier than never. That doesn’t mean you have to reveal everything to each other, but sometimes sneaky things happen – like learning she never really wanted to have children in the first place… stuff like that.
We did discuss 5-year and 10-year plans about our potential marriage. We even discussed careers, family, finances, friends, and the lot. Having a 3rd party there (our cell pastor) really helped. It doesn’t always have to be someone elder/wiser who knows you. It could be a certified counselor, and I know folks who make a living doing that and they’re really good at it.
We talked about how I wanted a fulfilling career, and that we both sort of wanted children in 5 years, and that I might want to further my education. We also discussed my propensity to be glued to the computer, and her inability to determine a goal in life. We discussed our parents, and how both families might get along. We discussed money. We discussed having a place of our own.
It’s funny, but these are issues we’re still discussing today, so I’m glad we started then!
This is our 3rd year of marriage, and we’ve been through good and bad times – but I think having the sessions really helped a bunch. It helped cement our ideals in one place, and everything else has been about going back to that and being honest with ourselves.
Those few short sessions helped shape everything – careers, relationships, aspirations, health. You’ll need it when you get there.
Resources:
May 21st, 2008 §
I’ve decided to take this site a bit more seriously, and went ahead and got the domain. I also decided I won’t be posting anonymously, and I also got recruited as a member of the brazen careerist network.
I’m doing this because I want to connect with people who are willing to share their perspectives of life with me, because that’s what I struggle with the most. I’ve battled the idea that my failures doesn’t give me credit to write about anything, because you can learn from anything. It’s the getting up part that counts.
Thanks to Ryan and the guys from Brazen in making me a part of this, and I’m looking forward to future posts.
May 17th, 2008 §
I read the article posted by the Sun written by you. It’s discouraging to see repeated attempts by the Malaysian government to discourage students from entering the national education system, but I’m keen to hear your thoughts on the alternatives.
The only reason why I see non-bumiputra students still keen on local scholarships and placements is because of cost. A secondary reason could be family. But I don’t know. I’m not in the position to say much. You and the students in the same boat as you should know better.
But I want to ask if the alternatives seem as bleak. Will the National University of Singapore be equally uncompromising to high achievers? Or even other overseas universities? Some universities in India are world-renown, especially in areas such as medicine and engineering. You don’t have to go as far as the UK or the US, though I feel that it would broaden your perspectives even further.
Try to think for the longer term (5 to 10 years). It appears that the kind of experience a high achiever stands to benefit from in other countries seems much more fulfilling, compared to some of our local students here. At the end of the day, I believe both types of graduates stand the same chance to enter the workforce – it does come down to personality, attitude and experience. And what you gain from that experience can be worth everything.
My question to you is – what do you want?
If it’s a fulfilling education experience you want, I don’t know if you’ll find it here as compared to overseas. If you stay, the obstacles you will have to put up with may not even be related to your field of study.
You’ve already come this far – I’d hate to see your qualifications and experience go to waste. The world is a big place, and sometimes searching for the right thing can be extremely frustrating and lonely. But the treasures that you will end up receiving is worth far greater. My advice to you is to broaden your perspectives, challenge the status quo, seek alternatives, consider all your options, and work hard to find what you want.
You have a potentially rewarding life ahead of you. For your own sake as well as your family’s, I hope that you will continue your fight and determination to get what you deserve and desire.
May 16th, 2008 §
Generation Y are people who tend to be born between 1983 to 1997, and can be sometimes be called
Millennials. They are ‘peer-oriented’ (which explains why Facebook is so popular), don’t look at jobs in the traditional sense, and are comfy with gadgets.
I love working with them. They’re quirky, fun, groupish but not clique-ish, and have good working habits. I teach voluntary classes to teens around 15 to 19, and they’ve got entire books loaded onto their cheapish phones, talk about the latest movies and gadgets, but seem fine not owning them. It’s more of a really big club than a generation.
Anyway, you don’t have to ‘get’ Generation Y. Generation Y gets you. They’ll fit in mostly anywhere, and you’ll want them around cos they’re the people who know Facebook and ipods better than anyone else. And they don’t sound geekish either. Geek for the masses.
How this compares to life – I don’t know. I think that it helps me get an understand of where the world is going, and that ethics will be a big part in all this. Companies will need to run their businesses more ethically and authentically, because Gen Yers are socially conscious. It’s affecting other Generations too – even oldies like me (I’m sorta in Gen X) are looking at the world in a new positive light.
If you’re fearful that Gen Y is a cop-out, don’t worry. Generation Y can get jobs in IBM.
Now, maybe I’ll use this excuse to get a Nintendo DS.
Some interesting facts from Wikipedia:
In their recent book, Reynol Junco and Jeanna Mastrodicasa (2007) [22] found that in a survey of 7,705 college students in the US:
- 97% own a computer
- 94% own a cell phone
- 76% use Instant Messaging.
- 15% of IM users are logged on 24 hours a day/7 days a week
- 34% use websites as their primary source of news
- 28% author a blog and 44% read blogs
- 49% download music using peer-to-peer file sharing
- 75% of college students have a Facebook account [23]
- 60% own some type of portable music and/or video device such as an iPod.
April 24th, 2008 §
I’m a Malaysian. I’ve spent over 20 years in this country. One thing bugs me – I haven’t really met anyone in Malaysia who has told me they really love their jobs. The only people who told me that they have are people who tell me the love everything.
Sure, a job is better than no job. But I think if you keep doing that long enough and you’ll start to lose brain cells a lot faster.
I encourage the youth of Malaysia to go for rock concerts, fight for social injustice, make some side-income, play sports, join competitions, get involved in art and design, start new things, and travel to other countries. I feel these things are far worth more your experience than worrying and over-working about a job.
Jobs will always be there. If someone doesn’t hire you, someone else will. It just depends how desperate they are. Plus, there are a lot of desperate people out there. You won’t have to fight very hard because your exposure and experience would have served you better.
The only catch is that you have to play smart.
Smart companies these days know how to sift through people who are concerned about “am I” vs. “can I”. And you don’t want to join a company that’s not smart. So, basically, you shouldn’t care too much about whether you have what it takes. You should be more worried about understanding how stuff works – asking yourself what you really want in life, and what you’re really capable of.
I really feel that you end up saving a lot of time, money and avoid unnecessary pain.
Of course, in order to be confident enough to get the right job, you need to start asking the questions early. What will prepare you for the interview to the right job is not text-book material. It’ll be about experience.
That’s what matters most in life, anyway.
April 23rd, 2008 §
If you’re short on time, and you want a fulfilling life/career/relationship/whatever, ditch the mundane crawl through newsreaders, google news, and forum posts. Alltop.com gives you the headlines of every news-based site you should read. It was created by Guy Kawasaki.
This means you can focus on living your life, and then spending that 20% of your time through GOOD CONTENT to assess yourself, plan your journey, laugh or cry… whatever.
Also, if you watch TV, forget TV. You got me, Stop Watching TV. Or watch less of it. Take time out to decide what you really want in life, and get going.
