How Marriage has Helped my Career
I opted out of a fulfilling career in the United States in exchange for a fulfilling relationship with my wife in marriage. My long term goal is that we are able to enjoy each other in the company of things we enjoy doing together.
The sacrifice I made was not a complete exchange, but a re-prioritization of my goals. Of course I wanted a fulfilling career. Of course I wanted to work in Chicago. Of course I wanted to earn 3.8 times more than what folks were being paid back home.
But I know that some relationships are worth keeping more than other life goals, and being Asian, our careers tend to take a backseat.
I have to admit I was naive about the work conditions in Malaysia, and how poorly paid software workers are, and how my overall experience was not beneficial to me in the long run. But this was sustainable because of my relationship with my wife.
Now, 6 years and 3 jobs later, I’m reassessing my life goals, and finding that Malaysia’s software industry moves at a pace that’s too slow for my liking. They work hard, but move slow. I don’t particularly like that very much.
My wife is going through a similar process right now. In fact, she sacrificed a lot more to find a job she really enjoys, and that was only possible because I’ve been supporting her through this process.
She’s gone from a high-paying low-interest bank job to a challenging insurance sales job and now to a low-paying but enjoyable children’s art business development job. She says she now enjoys the work apart from the pay, but the pay is becoming an increasingly important factor.
Looking at what we enjoy doing together for the future, and comparing it to what we have on hand - it’s becoming more unlikely that we’ll be able to achieve that in the short-term.
We’re both clear on what we want:
- A sustainable and enjoyable marriage
- To enjoy doing certain things together - traveling alone together, for one
- A healthy cash-flow
- The freedom and safety to manage and enjoy a family
- A satisfying career
I’m having problems with the cash-flow thing and the family thing and the career thing. She’s having problems with the cash-flow thing and the family thing.
This makes the whole picture look incomplete and that’s not good. But it’s sustainable - and that’s how the marriage has helped us both. When things are sustainable, we’re able to make choices about our lives. It’s like steering a boat together. It takes time and a lot of sharing.
Marriage has helped us through both of our careers because we’ve looked out for one another. We care a lot for each other because we share the same goals. To me, this is one ideal environment for someone who wants this kind of work-life balance. And it’s not just for the both of us.
Either that, or I’m too chicken to lose out on a great relationship.
Resources:
- Beware of burnout - Take the test (Penelope Trunk)
- Your significant other can teach you workplace skills (Penelope Trunk)
- How much money do you need to be happy? Hint: Your sex life matters more (Penelope Trunk)
- How to set marriage goals (Associated Press)
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I like this post. It has been something that I would like to voice out in my own blog for a long time. I have similar marriage goals too…
A sustainable and enjoyable marriage
To enjoy doing certain things together - traveling alone together, for one
A healthy cash-flow
The freedom and safety to manage and enjoy a family
A satisfying career
I married my wife after we knew each other for about a year. Venus and Mars has a lot of differences and a happy marriage needs deeper understanding of each other, in order to help each other to achieve personal goals together.
Thank God I am blessed with all the above conditions except for the family thingy. We have been travelling quite often for job assignments in the past few years and having freedom to manage my family is really tough. However, my wife manage to switch to other dept. and cut down travelling by 75% one year after our marriage.
To fulfill all the above conditions is not easy. It requires very detail planning, a little bit of sacrifice and a lot of prayer. Some of my suggestion to get closer to the goals:
1. Cash flow planning: One of you will need to plan for cash flow. Be it husband of wife, the financial controller will need to know exactly what to do with the family income and be a gate controller.
2. Set family financial goals and carrots: No matter how much you make, a family will still suffer from financial crisis if there is no proper financial goals. Financial goals can be clearing up housing loan debt within X years, becoming Premier/Priority Banking member, opening your first gold account, or even accumulatig yor first million together. Joint Family Carrots is important to keep a family happy. Annual carrots such as a trip to Bali, NZ or a new Hi-Fi/TV set gives a family something to look forward to.
3. Wife- Be Selective of company you worked for, Husband- Be selective of career progression you looked for: A lot of women will opt for an easier, less stressful and more flexible job after getting married. However, such jobs normally doesn’t come with a lucrative income. This therefore cuts down the overall family income which might slow down the pace for a family to reach their financial goal. My advice to wives: look for a job in a flexible working environment MNC. MNCs allows greater flexibility for work-family tension management. Take your time to find a good paying job that fits into your career goal and flexibility requirements. There are plenty of such jobs in places like BT, DHL, Ericsson, Nestle, CP etc…For husband, plan your career path properly, discuss your career goals with your wife and get support from your wife to achieve your goals. You will find wife’s support boosting your self-confidence during your job seeking/entreprenuership cycle.
4. Set aside time for join activities: You will enjoy family the most doing something different with your partner together. For me, I always enjoy swimming, sun bathing and reading-by-poolside in a nearby clubhouse with my wife during weekends. It is very refreshing and relaxing for both of us to unwind after a week of working stress. Some couples enjoy jungle trekking, sports, food-tasting, joint cooking session, gardening etc.
5. Make your wife happy: I find that man are happier when their wife are happy. Buy a nice gift for your wife annually, something your wife wished for, probably an Coach handbag or a Longines watch. The gift symbolizes appreaciation of whole year long of life-sharing with you.
6. Joint Spiritual Goal: Serve with your wife in the same ministry and share your spiritual burdens. Pray a lot together on your personal goals. You will find God always listens to prayr and bless you with abundances.